Post 4: Marc My Words - Near Death Experience
Near Death Experience: Beyond the Edge of Consciousness
Near Death Experience
I can share the memories my brain left me to process, but I can’t fully explain or understand what was real and what might have been an intense version of a dream.
Understanding the truth of what I experienced doesn’t matter much to me. I don’t care if others believe what I went through or not. What truly matters is the impact that experience had on my life.
Choosing to live gave my life an immediate sense of purpose that has never left me. From that moment on, I felt capable of overcoming whatever challenges lay ahead. If I didn’t face and conquer what was in front of me, why had I chosen to return in the first place? What was my purpose? I didn’t know during my five-year recovery journey. Then, for the next 25 years, I was “running into life,” reconciling with the universe in my own way. Maybe my purpose during that time was to become the best version of myself possible? It was only when I paused and looked back over those 30 years that I began to understand it more. Sharing this story, free from its weight, and connecting with you now might be part of that purpose.
If escaping the garage was the first step in my recovery from near death, it was also the first of many proactive decisions I made. Much of my story involves lessons learned and precedents set, but getting out of that garage is perhaps the most significant. Without it, Colm’s assessment might have been right—I might have been beyond saving.
I also no longer fear death. Am I afraid of how I’ll die? Sure. But not of what comes next. Do I believe in an afterlife? Not in the traditional sense I was taught growing up Catholic, but I believe we don’t just cease to exist. There’s a lot we don’t understand about energy and what happens to it when we leave our bodies. Are our souls a form of energy? I don’t have the answers, but it’s fascinating to consider.
I’ve talked least about my NDE over the years. About a year after my accident, I saw a guest on Oprah discussing their NDE, and I thought, “Hold on a minute, this sounds eerily similar to what happened to me!” That was the first time I heard the term “NDE.”
I ran downstairs to tell my mum, but her reaction was vague. Was she too busy preparing dinner to fully engage? Did she not believe me? Or was it too much for her to process?
I later decided that sharing this experience wasn’t essential. What mattered most was how I used it to positively influence my life. Part of that is respecting others’ freedom to believe what they want about what comes next. I have no desire to convince anyone of my beliefs or tell them they’re wrong. Disagreements can lead to conflicts (just look around the world right now), and I prefer to avoid that.
I was fortunate to spend a couple of hours with the inspirational Mark Pollock last year (check out his TED Talk). He experienced his own NDE and leans towards a scientific explanation, mentioning a French doctor’s study linking it to chemicals flooding our system. That might be true, but I haven’t explored it further because I’m content with my current understanding. In science, something is proven true until it isn’t.
Anita Moorjani is very much on NDEs are real side of thinking. Her book “Dying to be me!” is a truly inspirational read and got me thinking very deeply about my own experiences. Check out a TEDx talk she delivered on her remarkable story.
The Witnesses
“We still don’t know how you got out.” These were the words of my cousin Patrick in 2023.
(These AI image makers like drama! A tad dramatic again but not far off)
I tried to explain in Wednesday’s post, but I still can’t grasp how I went from near death to leaping through a small, shattered window. If it was a massive surge of adrenaline, I’d love to replicate it—high and long jump records would be shattered. I remember the feeling of flying through that window, but unfortunately, I haven’t been able to bottle it.
Before I passed out, I felt pure terror, but that sensation lasted much longer for my family outside.
I think of Brendan first. I was relieved when he told me he’d forgotten many details of that night. It’s good that traumatic memories fade; I’m grateful for how much I must have let go. Was he lucky to be on the side with an easier escape? Internal scars can often take a lot longer to heal. I’ve wondered about this many times and it may be the main reason I recovered and lived my life as I did. I take full responsibility for creating this situation and am determined to turn it into something positive. I owe it to my family, and I’m ready for the challenge. We’re back in the realm of purpose!
(Life turned out well. Me visiting Brendan and his beautiful family in Madrid, 2023)
No parent should outlive their child, and watching them die must be even worse. I’m not sure where my mum was during the rescue attempts, but I hope she was kept inside with my 11-year-old sister, Caroline, and my 9-year-old cousin, Kevin.
Caroline recently shared that she doesn’t have any trauma from that night, which made me very happy. I don’t know more details, but perhaps we can explore that further on this Substack journey. Although I survived, a large part of both our childhoods was lost that night.
Luckily, the three of us went on to make better holiday memories (Caroline, Mum & me in New York City, 2023)
I think of Brendan’s younger brother Kevin, my aunt Maureen, and other family members and neighbours who were there. Finally, I think of my Uncle Padraig, with whom I’ve felt a deep bond since agreeing with his “voice” that I needed to come back. He was leading the rescue efforts, and his snap decisions were a matter of life and death for me. We’ll delve deeper into his decisions next Wednesday. His life experiences made him a great leader, and I needed another hero that night. I’d needed quite a few actually.
NDEs—one can be spiritual without being “woo-woo.” I’m not against that, but it’s not me. I think deeply about life and meditate and practice breath work, but I also enjoy pale ale, poker, and football. Sharing my NDE openly doesn’t define me; I’m just Marc, everything I am, no more, no less. We often try to label and judge others, but we should focus on ourselves and let others be. Are they decent to themselves and others? Great. Let them be.
Tune back in next Wednesday when we cover my journey to two hospitals on either side of the country and the fight to keep me alive.
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You write, "He experienced his own NDE and leans towards a scientific explanation, mentioning a French doctor’s study linking it to chemicals flooding our system."
Without claiming to know how to explain NDEs, I can only add as a point of logic that the existence of chemicals flooding our system at the time of death doesn't really prove or disprove anything about a possible spiritual realm.
And even if NDEs can be explained in purely mechanical terms, they still appear to be spectacular experiences which expand our understanding of what the human brain is capable of. If NDEs are a purely mechanical operation of the brain, we may be able to learn how to generate such positive experiences at will without requiring a near fatal crisis.
However one might wish to explain NDEs they seem very interesting and important, and hardly a matter to be dismissed.